Seeds of Change
As we move through to another Birthday/Solstice/Christmas/New Years/Sumble season I can't help but reflect on what I had to say about all of it last year. Last year I acknowledged that all of the things I hate about holidays don't exist anymore and there is little reason to continue to harbor the deeply rooted anger. Looking at it that way has eased my distaste for Christmas some. Some of that is my mom is out of town and the rest of it is that Tony is real and Tony being the guy he is, suggested that we make our own traditions and ditch all the crap we hate about the holidays. And you know, it's working. Bad Idea BoBo Monkey has been coming up with stuff like 'get drunk on eggnog and go puke on shoppers' and 'throw bottles at trains' and 'go to the movies' (which we will likely do), and instead of suffering through the weird traditional food my mom cooks (badly adapted to ensure blandness and cranberries) but doesn't know the origin of the traditions (I do). That Tony is of the mind to suggest we make our own traditions is a HUGE win. Rather than throw bottles at trains we're probably going to stoke a fire, cook food we especially like but don't get to eat very often, cuddle on the couch, maybe play some dice games, perchaps watch sappy movies, dream up some art projects to work on together (we already have one in the works) and generally hang out for a whole day together which we rarely get to do. I've pitched a makeshift 'tree' in the living room from a step-ladder. I've made him a gift from things I have around the house, wrapped in paper I made and decorated myself. These may be the seeds of new traditions.
Last year, as a 'resolution' I declared
* I shall open myself to receiving welcome, sustainable, fulfilling, healthy, balanced, accepting, romantic, respectful love and partnership (with me).
Every so often I think things like, 'Am I in love with the idea of being in love or am I in love with him?' And then I see him and I'm overwhelmed with bliss and joy. Yes I am in love with him. He's a truly magical person. And he seems to harbor mutual feelings, though he admits to being not very good at gushing and compliments, the sentiments are there, and I can see and hear them very clearly from his actions and language even if it isn't concise or specific. I feel completely encompassed in delight from being with him. I want to savor the simplicity of this feeling forever and ever.
Here's to planting seeds of new traditions!