I should be trying to sleep, but I can't
I'm too gleeful.
Monkey and I have managed to find quite a bit of time to spend together, we've kind of settled into a workable pattern of hanging out. We are both really busy with and drained by our occupations be it work or school. Finding time to spend together has been manageable. Becoming familiar with my new school schedule and the consequent homework time obligations has helped to feel like I know where I can spare time as well, we've done homework together as well he's hung out reading while I finished up with homework projects. It's working out well (on my end anyway).
Last week he helped me with math homework. He'd previously offered to help me with homework - I was more than a little embarrassed by my past reactions to maths and warned him that I'll act a lot like I'm resisting his input, I'll have tantrums and generally be a pain in the ass - he said "I love tantrums!". With some hesitation I decided that if I am interested in being honest and open with all of myself including preexisting conditions with this kind of crap then I just have to go for it and took him up on it. (This is going to be a weird segue bear with me). A couple weeks ago after breaking out in tears more than once in my math class. I attended an open art therapy group at school (not related) but while I was there I talked to the student services director about getting help with math, getting my learning disability documented so that I could get the appropriate support from the school. She suggested I make an appointment with the school's psychologist (who I already had an appointment with) to begin testing. When I saw him the next week we talked about math and I. He stated that making me do math as I have been made to do math in the past is on level with torture. Torture. No wonder I have anxiety around math! He suggested that I work on some homework and then have some positive reinforcement, then more math, more of something enjoyable, lather rinse repeat. So, Monkey and I went for drinks and math homework - I wanted math homework and kissing, but I needed to get some actual homework done. At the bar we concluded that we needed the internet to know what the hell we were looking at, and our phones weren't cutting it. Back at my place, internet at our fingers we took another stab at the homework which quickly broke down to me throwing a compass and getting fairly irritated with the lack of supporting information in the assigned homework instructions - Monkey saw a full scale hissy fit and he stuck it out without pushing too hard and without taking it personally as well, offering positive reinforcement through the whole thing. We have made it through some kind of major intersection in our fresh relationship. If the man can tolerate me throwing sharp things in the house we've probably got a good start going here. My math class the next day did have me in tears again, but I could tell already the positive reinforcement had already begun working.
I'll blog more about my math issues in another post, I'd like it to be separated out from a post about being blissful happy.
I've previously stated that I get completely blissed out as a result of spending time with him - this has been going on for months and is still very true. Spending time with him feels absolutely amazing. There is a beautiful mutuality happening between us that is sorta unfamiliar to me and completely welcome. I say that because I've almost always been in out of balance relationships, or in relationships where there was a kind of power struggle. Not here. I'm enthusiastically interested in participating in something where we have a healthy balance of yum going on. Our communication is good - probably because I'm all, 'Hey yo, tell me what...' and he's all 'This open communication thing is pretty great yeah?' Yeah it is =)
He's a beautiful and delightful human to spend time with. I could sit and stare at him for ages if I had the time. We can have dorky academically critical conversations about art as well can geek out on cartoons. The discussions we have about art, literature, film, history and being humans are super fun! We get caught up talking for hours to the detriment of our sleep - and it doesn't even matter! I'm tired but not the beat down, can't think kind of tired. The kind of tired you tolerate when you're dickmotized!
Bliss - I welcome this bliss wholly. It's wonderful. This rush I can do.