Today I found myself making a note to myself... thinking-ish, asking myself:
What do you want for your life after school?
Live somewhere warmer in a large town/small city,
Working for: Women; Art; Leadership; Teaching.
I don't know how that will take shape.
I also have a note to remind myself to sweep the floor
I've been in community college for a year and a half - I've just moved to a new city to finish my BFA at a four year art college. The changes my life has taken in the last year and a half have been amazing!!!!!!! Holy crap amazing. And hard. And worth every damn struggle. What I've gained has absolutely been worth what I've lost (or shed, to be more accurate) along the way. Thanks to the help of my dearest aunt, my mom and step-dad I now live in a beautiful little house, filled with light and warmth, it's quiet and has space for my every crafty, arty whim. A year and a half ago I prayed for this space, to be in this place in my life; and here I am. At times I wonder what the hell I'm doing, where will this work lead me? What is the work exactly? I keep pushing myself, working hard and making good. Occasionally it's so hard I want to give up, but I know that by quitting I won't continue to feed the positive change I've been making for myself.
Thanks go to my professors for believing in me and pushing me. Thanks to my dear friends and family who have supported me through the rough spots. I would not be _here_ without these precious people.
I was reminded today that on June 30th 2008, Amani invited some girls over to make positive motivation posters for ourselves. The poster I made has a blossoming bonsai tree, a freshly made bed, a simple living room, a woman running, another snowboarding, a bunch of camera imagery and words to keep me going. A selection of these words are: Hey it's okay to be eccentric; I play by my own rules; Where I'm at. Where I'm at. Stand out where I'm at. Shift the emphasis where I'm at. Teach to learn where I'm at. Learn to teach where I'm at; (and the fine print) Stand on the edge of your skillfulness, flow comes when your skill level and challenge are evenly matched, or when you have to stretch just a bit; Make every day count. I've looked at this poster every day, sometimes without seeing it. Today I really looked at it again, really saw it for the first time since the glue dried. So much of what I have today is directly in line with the abundance I put into motion that day.
As I go forward into this new phase of my life, I accept that it will likely continue to be hard, and it will continue to be worth it. However it takes shape.