I think it's interesting I'm so conflicted. I'm concerned I'll offend religious women wearing something that is so strongly religious. I'm especially concerned if I don the shalya with my regular clothes, t-shirts and jeans with a jacket I'll look like I'm deliberately defying the principals of hijab. The other day I was out - driving wearing a shayla and I'm confident my hair was sticking out. An hijabi in a car next to me was totally checking out my head gear. I thought about smiling, but instead I tucked my hair in and kept my eyes forward.

When I look around, I see many women on the street covered modestly, and are still intensely hip. But, it's fall in Seattle, so, it's natural to be wearing layers and scarves and hats and all that. Summer is definitely different. I wear long sleeve cotton blouses and shirts - a good fit is hard to find, I have broad shoulders, long thick arms, a long torso and a narrow waist. My arms make finding something to wear the hardest. I can get something that fits mostly except they're too tight at the top of the arms, or too short in the sleeve. All those years of body building I guess. If I find something to fit my arms, it would need lots of tailoring through the body to look nice.

I think because I am tattooed and have goofy hair, I want to cover it all up. I've been covering it up for years. I used to wonder what was the point of having tattoos if you're just gonna cover them, but the longer I have them, the more personal they become and the more they really are nobody elses business. After I've known people a while then I'll uncover, but they have to be "safe" people. I'm pretty sure I have had some associates for years who've never seen my tattoos in person, if they even know I have them.

I think that being modest, or adopting modest behaviors just because god or some scripture says so is ill informed. I really want all people do things that they've thought through and concluded works for them. But then I won't do anything because I'm told to, I must come to it on my own, by my own discovery. I must understand for myself that it's the right thing to do for myself. Certain Christian, Catholic and Mormon flavors of modesty make my skin crawl. I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's the jumper dresses that kind of look like little girls dresses, the stylings just aren't mature, stylish or elegant, let alone, going the other direction, playful, accommodating and free.

I think I'm tired of people confronting me because of my tattoos. I'm tired of the insincere conversation starters I get that many people are unwilling to finish. In addition, I'm really sick of people touching my tattoos uninvited. It doesn't happen as much anymore, for the simple fact that I don't leave the house very often. But when I went out socializing or networking people would grab at me all the time. This is just unacceptable, I'm not available for petting.

there is more... I'm tired and it's just not coming out well.
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